You know, nuff people come to me when they feel like shit. I used to accommodate every but now I just do it for people I feel a connection to so I don’t wear myself out and get angry when no one talks to me when I declare I feel shit.
You know I don’t even need a shoulder to cry on. Because all these people need propping up emotionally, it seems people think I need that.
No sometimes it’s just nice people giving a shit about your life in any form.
My stress is never from my own weakness, it’s from my own strength. It feels like because I don’t need people to wipe my fucking arse for me These days, that I just don’t need anything
I need to not feel detached from reality and that involves voicing mine. It’s not even me just being insecure, it prevents me from dissociating half as much as I do.
I’m not stuck in a dream world, my brain detaches because of the 17 years of abuse I experienced. It’s a defence reaction by my brain.
But it comes from me and I’m too deep, or worrying about nothing, or being dramatic.
At times I’m like other people’s issues may seem insignificant to my life but they’re not living my life, and if it’s significant to them, then it matters.
I grew up through a childhood of little Empathy and sympathy for natural human emotions, and it still happens as an adult and not one person in my life isn’t like this.
It’s one word answers, when half the tie I’m not venting, I’m sounding out. Which means I reach a conclusion all on my very own without having to have it pointed out for me. I’m a problem solver, and when I’m down I always bounce back.
Getting the lack of response I do I’d a kick in the teeth.
It’s like yeah talk about your shit because I have time, which I make for people but I talk about my shit and well… I’m only annoyed that I keep listening to people
I’ve just felt for so long why should I isolate myself because of other people because if I don’t end up with advice to give, or an ear to listen then conversations don’t happen.
And when I bring this up people go automatically into defence mode rather than listening to What I’m saying.
Like everyone is a victim.
But I’m accused of being a victim when I try to just say to people I feel this way. If people tell me I’m being shit even if defence occurs, I calm down go back and find out if this is an issue or words out of stressful moments and sort it the fuck out. So I’m not being a cunt
But why, why bother? I’m not allowed emotions so I think we’ll if I just utilise my Empathetic ear solely for myself then there’s no problems. But then any contact I did have ends
I’m getting to the point where I’d just rather become a recluse than go through this pointless bullshit
Because that’s all it regarding my situation, it’s fucking pointless